How To Wins Friends And Persuade People

✦ Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
1. Don't criticize or complain
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

✦ Six ways to make people like you
1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember a person's name.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

✦ Win people to your way of thinking
1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.

✦ Be a Leader
1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Favourite 27 words

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.  Amen

THE PICTURE OF FAILURE (Understanding Bring Cure)

F-rustration, hopelessness, futility
A—ggressiveness (misdirected)
I-nsecurity
L-oneliness (lack of "oneness")
U-ncertainty
R-esentment
E—mptiness

Each of these negatives was originally adopted as a "way" to solve a problem. We adopt them because we mistakenly see them as a "way"out of some difficulty. They have meaning and purpose, although based upon a mistaken premise. They constitute a way of life. The truth can set us free from them. And when we can see the truth, then the same instinctive forces which caused us to adopt them in the first place, will work in

our behalf in eradicating them.

Frustration is an emotional feeling which develops whenever some important goal cannot be realized or whenever some strong desire is thwarted. Since we are all human, we do necessarily suffer frustration because we are imperfect, incomplete and unfinished. One of  trhe strongest urges in humans is to react appropraitely. One can cure this symptoms by seeing that they do not work and that they are inappropriate.

As we grow older we should learn that all desires cannot be satisfied immediately. We also learn that our

WINDOWS 7 (part one)

Windows 7 is the next generation of windows after windows vista. I started testing this from a month ago. There are few of things I want to share. I have never commented on any window but this is not too bad.



As you can see, it look like windows vista but inside is totally different. the ratings are not limited to the 5.9 vista was given. I saw less difference between the x86(32 bit) and x64(64 bit) versions. The x64, though could be better, gave me unlimited crashes and the x86 looks stable.

The start menu is almost the same with the task bar being flat. Active programmes are represented as an icon on the task bar.



This is the view of the Control Panel. There are a lot that can be done as compared to Vista
The main reason I'm praising the windows 7 is it's Media Center. It is unique and up to my standard.




The Unique thing in this the feature of "play all". When playing music clips in vista media centre, there is no option of play all. It is very useless to select video after video and if you don't have a remote then it is a crap.




When playing a song all your album arts are displayed as above. infact it is very nice.



When browsing through files and albums, it is easier as seen above.




When playing Series like the above, it is easier with the tab of a remote. PLAY ALL.



Recorded TV and TV are perfect packages are perfect though I'm finding it hard to get windows 7 drivers for my Compro DTV .



My Sound Blaster Titanium X-fi works partially. My Dolby Digital live and DTS connect does not work and playing digital 5.1 surround sound is useless.


To be continued.....

Alizee, la isla Bonita

THE START OF THE GOOD MUSIC

UPDATES OF MY PLAYLIST COMING SOON.

FREE REAL TONES DOWNLOAD COMING SOON

11 THINGS WOMEN DON'T KNOW ABOUT MEN...

...PLUS ONE THING THEY PROBABLY DO KNOW, BUT WON'T ADMIT.

1. Getting angry at us for not reading your mind is like getting angry at yourself for not being able to fly. It's not just futile, it's physically impossible.


2. Yes, we do think Jessica Alba is hot. Sometimes we're even dumb enough to admit it.


3. Don't ask us to understand your shoe fetish. Asking us to respect it is even sort of pushing it.


4. You do look good without makeup, just not as good as you look with it.


5. Ever notice how we don't fight with our male friends? That's why we get so frustrated when we fight with you.


6. You care what you're wearing infinitely more than we do. In fact, if you're naked when you open the front door, you won't hear an argument from us.


7. You don't like to get hit on in public, you don't want to date online and you don't want to be set up on blind dates. Tell us if sending messenger pigeons is an appropriate way of courting. Because if it is, we're all over it.


8. There should a statute of limitations on stupid things that we said that can come back to haunt us
There should a statute of limitations on stupid things that we said that can come back to haunt us. I propose 24 hours.


9. Cooking dinner for a man is like buying flowers for a woman, except it takes a lot more time, effort and thought for you to do it. Thanks. We appreciate it.


10. We actually like your girly pet-names for us, but please, not in front of the guys!


11. Just because we like looking at the women in Maxim doesn't mean we want to actually converse with the women in Maxim. Not for long, anyway.


12. Your nice guy friends are the most reliable source for telling you if your new boyfriend's a jerk. And he probably is. (By the way, you might want to consider marrying that nice guy who's giving you advice about the jerk.)

Five Secrets You Should Hide from Your Partner

It starts out simply enough: A man and woman get together, they share some wine, they go back to her place, their relationship grows, they laugh and they fight, and they become-tada!-a couple. And then something happens: They're supposed to share everything with each other. Their fears. Their dreams. Their thoughts. Their bills. Their medicine cabinets. And that's when this simple little romance starts to get complicated. in most relationships, there's such a thing as too much sharing-and I believe that a little discretion at the right time in the right situation is not only a good thing, but also could actually improve relationships. As long as you're not breaking the relationship rules-like playing tonsil hockey while the goalie isn't watching-then a little mystery can be a good thing. Here, five secrets you should keep to yourself-because not saying something will actually speak volumes. (And just so you don't think that I'm pushing to abolish the honesty policy, you'll read about the things you should never keep from your partner next time.)

You Don't Turn Me on Right Now

Granted, there will be days when your partner walks into the room and everything sparkles-moments like these make us count our blessings. But there are going to be other moments when your woman looks less like Cindy Crawford and more like Broderick Crawford, and when your guy is less Hugh Grant than Lou Grant. But when the occasional fashion faux pas or haircut from Edward Scissorshands comes around, swallow your tongue. If you want him or her to wear certain styles, compliment what you like, and ignore what you don't. Eventually, they'll get the message-but without the hurt feelings.

I Flirt With Others at Work

The stats don't lie: About 40 percent of men and 35 percent of women have lusted after a co-worker-without ever making a move. Even if you have no intention of taking it anywhere, nobody wants to think of their significant others spending 8, 10, 12 hours a day around flirtatious and attractive co-workers, especially when they look, smell and behave at their very best. Want to share sexual secrets? Confess your attraction to Hollywood celebs, not the co-workers in the adjacent cube.

I Can't Stand Your Friends

Your partner's circle of friends probably come in three different categories: a perfect package, nice enough, and how the hell can the two of you be friends? In that last category, there are all kinds of crazies-maybe she's too controlling, or maybe he's a bad influence. Whatever the case, know your audience. You may not like the friends, but your partner has more history with them than with you. So while they may not rank high on your personal list, keep it to yourself. Boxing out a man's friends is a relationship deal breaker, according to 83 percent of men we surveyed. And 62 percent of women would end a relationship if a guy doesn't get along with her friends.

I Still Think About My Ex

While it's natural to think about your ex, the Internet has increasingly made exes a bigger threat than ever before. The phenomenon of searching online for one's ex, which the majority of Americans admit to, can really make your partner jealous and fearful-especially since the phenomenon of people reuniting with very old flames has recently exploded (again, because of the Internet). You put your exes in the past; do the same with any conversation about them.

I Can't Live Without You

Why? Number one, it's not true; you can live without them. And number two, the key to a successful long-term relationship is to ensure that you've got your own life. You can say I love you, I enjoy you, I desire you, I appreciate you. You don't say I can't live without you. A partner should never feel trapped. He or she should be making a choice every day to be with you. And you, with them.

Have your own stories and secrets you think should one should keep mum about? Share them here.

AUDI R8 CAME TODAY

I went to work to meet the new Audi R8. It was amazing. As we all trooped to have a look, my mobile phone became very handy and I took some shots.

Liverpool booked their place in the Champions League final with a dramatic penalty shoot-out win in the semi-final second leg at Anfield.

Dirk Kuyt scored the crucial spot-kick to clinch a 4-1 win after Arjen Robben and Geremi missed for the Blues.
Daniel Agger cancelled out Chelsea's first-leg lead in the first half with a crisp finish from Steven Gerrard's superbly disguised left-wing free-kick.
Kuyt also rattled the bar with a fine header after the break.
Within seconds it became clear both teams were happy to go long. Liverpool looked to feed off Peter Crouch and Chelsea were eager to get the ball to Drogba and use the pace of Salomon Kalou on the break.

But after a promising opening first five minutes from the visitors, it was Liverpool who settled and started to get on top in a scrappy match.
Liverpool they scored from the first good chance of the night.
Joe Cole fouled Gerrard on the left flank and with everyone expecting the Reds skipper to whip in a cross towards the far post, he slid the ball across the box to Agger who slammed it home first time into the bottom corner.
With the scores level on aggregate, Liverpool stepped off the pace a little and Chelsea began to look lively.
Reina was forced into a decent save from Drogba, who stood firm to beat away the striker's fiercely struck shot following Mikel's through-ball.
Chelsea, playing in their third Champions League semi-final in four years almost went ahead just before the break when Essien almost diverted a Drogba header in from a Frank Lampard corner.
Liverpool had three excellent chances to double their lead after the break.
Jermaine Pennant wriggled his way free on the right and crossed to Crouch but his downward far-post header was kicked away by Cech and John Terry completed the clearance.
And within five minutes Liverpool went even closer. A fantastic cross from John Arne Riise was met brilliantly by Kuyt but his header crashed back off the bar. A rare Terry error then saw stand-in centre-half Essien bail out his skipper as he launched himself in front of Pennant and diverted the ball over for a corner.
Chelsea then pieced together their best move if the half.
Lampard combined with Joe Cole to put in Ashley Cole and Carragher got ahead of Drogba to turn Cole's cross over the bar from three yards.
Drogba almost got through on goal but was thwarted by Reina and at the other end Bolo Zenden tested Cech with a decent 20-yard strike.
Neither side could forced the crucial goal in normal time and chances were a premium in the extra 30 minutes
Liverpool went closest when substitute Xabi Alonso unleashed a rasping 35-yard drive that Cech could only turn into the path of Kuyt who turned the ball in but his strike was ruled offside.
In the second period Drogba almost turned in Shaun Wright-Phillips' teasing cross and Kuyt had a shot beaten away by Cech in the closing moments.
In the penalty shootout, Liverpool romped home. Bolo Zenden scored the first and only Lampard was successful for the Blues, meaning Kuyt's sweetly-struck effort was enough to secure Liverpool's place in the final against either AC Milan or Manchester United on Wednesday, 23 May.
source: BBC

GOD HELP GHANA

Yesterday's journey from London to Manchester was not all that difficult for me. I had this Manchester Uni girl from Germany sitting next to me. We chatted the whole of the journey and less than 4 hours, we were in Manchester.

I took a Tram and reach house around 12am in the morning. I woke up 0630 hours the following day. After the long days work and came back home I sampled some of the news on Ghanaweb.

The most appalling news I read was a man being killed by police. A police who should have protected us and the laws of the country were now torturing people to death. The most horrible thing I have read from Ghana for months. The is believed to have found himself as a passenger in a stolen taxi cab. He was arrested by the so called striking police of Ghana who are ignorant of their posts.
In a comment made by one guy, owusu in which I was very angry with. Why could the police do such a thing. Ghana God help us.

The next sstory was a bout the Vice President calling for Ghanaians to bring investors to Ghana, when he visited South Africa. Read He has forgotten that his party has put Ghana into crisis. They have bought cars, corrupted the economy and now they have put Ghanaians into a very deep darkness. Companies are collapsing, people are dying in hospital and so on.

They don't know that they are recking the nation.

Advice For Women About Men

1. Don't imagine you can change a man unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon -- they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man's mind wander -- it's too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well, they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same -- they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal.
By Amos

Dealing with the brain drain

BBC News (Accra)
Abdul Nuhu moved to the UK from Accra, Ghana, in 2003

Abdul Nuhu remembers the pain of receiving rejection letters.

Day after day he sent job applications, and day after day the envelopes that returned contained rejections - or worse still, bills.

He is just one of thousands of Africans who leave the continent each year in the hope of starting a new life abroad.

"I knew it was going to be difficult and I was going to have to do menial jobs - I had been warned. But there was no way anyone could really prepare me," he recalls.

Abdul, 30, arrived in London three years ago from Ghana after emigrating because his girlfriend moved to the UK. Back in Ghana, his career progression had been seamless.

Persistence pays off

A first class degree in arts and graphics led to a job at one of the country's most respected advertising agencies, where he spent three years handling major accounts for high-profile companies.

After moving to Norbury, in south London, Abdul completed a one-year diploma in video production at Lambeth College, while working part time at Starbucks.


I gradually realised that London is a very expensive city
Abdul Nuhu

Send us your comments

But the search for full-time work after the course ended proved to be difficult and Abdul took on jobs at McDonalds and Ikea to make ends meet.

"It was difficult to get a job that matched my experience and I was adamant that I wanted a creative job like the one I had in Ghana," he says.

"I got dozens of rejection letters. Mostly, I was told that my experience was in a different country and therefore didn't count.

"I didn't have the time to prepare for interviews because I had to work - sometimes two jobs - to pay the bills. I gradually realised that London is a very expensive city."

Abdul's persistence eventually paid off. Last year, he landed a job as an advertising and marketing manager at a firm based in Canary Wharf, east London.

"I love my job because it's skill-based work in a pressurised environment," he says.

"I feel like I've made it because I'm doing something that I really enjoy."

'Important to come back'

Despite his newfound success, Abdul and his wife, Cynthia, plan to return to their country of origin within five years to set up an advertising agency.

As Abdul considers his next move, thousands of his countrymen are dreaming of ways to emulate him and others who have successfully forged a life in Europe or the US.

The brain drain, and the best way to retain talent, is a hot topic of debate across Africa.

The loss of medical talent, for example, is a source of great concern.

In 2003, 5,880 UK work permits were approved for health and medical personnel from South Africa, 2,825 from Zimbabwe, 1,510 from Nigeria and 850 from Ghana.

Anecdotal evidence suggests that thousands of young Ghanaians move abroad each year in a bid to earn more money and attain a higher standard of living, with the UK and US being the preferred destinations.

However, it is difficult to ascertain precise figures for the numbers migrating as some workers travel illegally or overstay after visiting a country.

Some fear that much of country's future talent seems focused on moving abroad.

Frank Agyekum, the government spokesman on governance, said young Ghanaians should look for opportunities at home instead.

Speaking at a BBC event to mark the 50th anniversary of Ghana's independence, he said: "All the prospects are looking up for this country. The trajectory is upwards."

Samuel Quayson hopes to study political sciences at the University of Ghana in Accra before continuing his studies in the US and working there "for about two or three years".

He will then move home to start his own business.

Standard of living

"The quality of higher education is better over there, or in the UK," reasons the 20-year-old.

"A lot of people go abroad for the money because the economy in other countries is strong. And some don't come back. The standard of living in the West is attractive.

"But I think it's important for people to come back home. I need to come back so that my country can benefit from what I have learned."

He also points out that the work many Ghanaians find themselves doing in such countries is, essentially, "hard labour".

Others have different reasons for wanting to move.

Erica Okyere is a 21-year-old student in Accra

Erica Okyere, a communication skills student at the Ghana Institute of Journalism, says the ambitions of aspiring graduates are often thwarted by the corruption and nepotism which she says remains endemic within her country.

"People get good degrees but don't get the work they deserve because they don't have a relative in a position of power," says Miss Okyere.

"Graduates often find they're over-qualified for the job they're doing and decide to go abroad, make money and come back with the money they've made."

She also argues that political leaders in the country are often corrupt and more interested in amassing a personal fortune than creating jobs.

Vickie Bright a lawyer said, "They're impatient and aren't prepared to work hard"

But not everyone is convinced - particularly older Ghanaians.

Vickie Bright, a lawyer, says the young graduates she encounters are often more interested in financial gains than building a career.

"Hard work and commitment is important and that's often what is missing."

She said young people, particularly graduates, felt they could simply move abroad to make large sums of money instead of working hard.

Abdul agrees that there is "a lot of ignorance" about the opportunities offered outside Ghana.

"There's a perception that people abroad are wealthy, but when you move yourself you realise how hard it is," he says.

"It is very difficult to get a skilled job in the UK or US.

"It took a lot of hard work and perseverance for me to make it. If you aren't prepared to work hard you should go home."

Abdul suggests people visit the country they are considering migrating to before committing themselves to a permanent move.

"It's good for people to come over and see for themselves, so they can make up their own mind."

WHAT IS THE ESSENCE OF PEOPLE'S ASSEMBLY: ASSAULT

I read an article on Ghanaweb about a man beaten by NPP supporters including 3 POLICEMEN at a peoples assembly in Sunyani today. Where are we going to? The authorities claim to be a democratic nation. But there is a question mark. Are they setting good example? Hmmm, maybe the word is often used wrongly by both government and some of us.

What is the essence of the people's assembly? What has it achieved so far. For me, I think it is unnecessary. How could one be beaten by part activists for just airing his views. Are we safe. Some people should know better. If I had means, I would sack the 3 policemen who took part in the assault. They actually don't know their duties. I think they are among those who are destroying the name of the industry. I was not there but I have seen the picture and believe that the story is true. I was really shocked though this was not first time but the reason of the beaten. If I was the one who organized the programme to resign and call it off after the incident.

I live in Manchester, United Kingdom and though we cannot compare Ghana's politics to here, but sometimes it is quite interesting and even funny. If the organizers of the programme wanted only questions that favours the government, then it is of no use and it is rather a waste of money and a camouflage of wasting state resources. I know those who did this would be set free because it is the norm for the country. Do what we say but not what we do.

How do we expert Ghana to move forward with all this happening. Are we being ruled by a military government? Evangelist Boateng was beaten for asking or saying something about Kufour's Hotel money. An article which even appeared in the Manchester stressing the fact that many African Leaders are corrupt.
If we countinue to do this then Ghana has a very very long way to go.
The picture above is about an Evangelist who was beaten after asking Kufour about the hotel money?

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Wish you all the best in this New Year. I wish you a Virus, Spam and a Crash free new year. May it be a blessing and a dream come true. Though the journey might be long, but we have to remember that we have a God who might be nearer than we think, and He would see us through all our difficulties.
I Wish you all the best!

BUILDING BOND IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

A bond (relationship wise) is when two people have a connection. Being attracted to each other and sharing common values and interests brought the two of you together as a couple, but the bond has not been set completely. Besides the fact that you have love and care between you, you also need to see whether or not the two of you are friends. Is it possible to be friends? Absolutely! As a matter of fact, it is a must if the two of you are going to build a lasting bond.

Having a strong longing and passion for another is important, but is not enough fuel to keep the bond running. With friendship, your relationship will remain having that strength under all kinds of circumstances. There will be times, for example, when you as a couple are not living in your most passionate times. This is natural and does not mean there is no longer love or desire. As your relationship deepens, you will go through many experiences and stages that may put your romance and frequent hot sex aside for a while. This is where friendship comes in and why it is so important. You should be there for each other and understand your partner's situations and concerns. Just take a look at your friends. See what makes your friendship with them so great. You then need to see if your partner has those same similarities or exact (sticking up for you when you need the back up for instance) qualities. Another point to keep in mind is keeping yourself aware of what behavior you would not except from a friend. You should definitely not accept those behaviors from your mate (like standing you up all the time) either.

It is not easy to put our friends and lovers in the same comparison because we are in love with our partners, and therefore will be more patient with them than we would with our friends. You can easily blind yourself due to the love you feel for that person and not even realize when he or she is not being a good friend and partner to you. How can you tell? A true friendship is basically the same as the true qualities that define real love. The difference is, we are in love and have a deep desire for our mates, with commitment and a goal of building a future, and perhaps even getting married and making a family together. The list below will help you see if your lover is a friend to you as well.

You can talk to and confide in each other about anything.

Your partner is there for you when you need to talk to someone.

Being able to always rely on each other when one is counted on.

Having a permanent shoulder to cry on when we need it

Having many things in common

Accepting one another for who we are

Listening to us and considering our opinions important

Do not feel guilty for having higher expectations from your lover either. People often feel like they should be more lenient and understanding when it comes to their lovers. Even though it is important to keep an understanding attitude (to avoid misunderstandings and arguments), you should never let things always slide or make up excuses for your partner's wrong doings. You should expect better and not except such behavior. You deserve better. After all, you invest most of your emotions and time into your partner, so always remember that you are entitled to receive the same.

As important as having that great friendship is, it is also good to remember not to let the friendship get out hand. Is it possible to let a friendship get carried away? Yes, in a relationship it is. It is wonderful when you can be best friends with your partner, but sometimes the friendship is doing so well that it receives all the focus, while in the meantime the romance (being in love) has been neglected. If you are not careful, in time, you will start looking at each other as close buddies and no longer be that passionate couple you started as. There are points that can guide you into detecting when your romance and desire is entering the danger zone before it is too late and would be suggestible to seek professional advice on how to get things back on track.

Remembering not to forget our desires for our partner will keep the romance in the picture. If the relationship still fails to rekindle those feelings and you or your partner cannot leave that buddy mode, looking around with curiosity for others, then your relationship will need some extra help (you can get advice on how to save your relationship). What if it is difficult to have a friendship? This can be another issue, but there are ways to help you find solutions. Some couples may share the most wonderful romance and sex ever, but not really have an actual friendship. In most cases, it would not be advisable to stay in such a relationship, but there are ways you can try and still have some hope.

As long as you and your partner remember to keep the romance, love and friendship balanced, your relationship will continue to live in great health, living as long as the both of you wish it to! The decision is yours, so be good enough to yourself and your mate to make the right one. Relationships can seem confusing and hopeless at times, and they can get that way if you do not keep close watch. Stop yourself periodically to check the status of your relationship to makes sure the bond is building, as it should be. Keep in mind that with the right attention and teamwork, the two of you can build the greatest bond. Most importantly, remember that key word you just learned?BALANCE.

IS YOUR MATE CHEATING

You've been together several months, but something doesn't feel quite right with your partner. You start wondering if he or she might be having an affair. Is it jealousy, your imagination or just apathy that is the result of long-term complacency with each other? It can be hard to tell sometimes, but when in doubt go with your gut and look for the following behaviors that might mean your mate is having an affair.

Oddly, your partner might be having an affair if he or she is acting MORE attentive than usual to you.

If you are suddenly showered with gifts and compliments in what almost seems like an inappropriate manner, then he or she might be trying to make up for guilty feelings.

Look for a sudden change in your partner's routine. Is he or she staying out a lot longer than usual, not showing up for dinner or unaccountable at times for his or her whereabouts? If your partner suddenly alters his or her daily habits that too can be a sign of cheating.

If your partner is frequently picking fights with you, that might also mean big trouble. The emotional logic behind this is that picking a fight gives him or her to an excuse to fly out of the house and possibly into the arms of the third party. That way the cheating partner can deny guilty feelings and blame you instead. If you are not to blame, a cheater will create a reason to justify what he or she is doing to you.

Your mate might also become overly critical of you. This is part of an agenda that once again, gives them an excuse to leave or justify the affair. The guilty partner might also be overly sensitive to criticism from you as there may be a ring of truth that triggers guilty feelings that they would rather not face.

If every time you have fight your partner threatens you with ending the relationship, you might also have a cheater on your hands. Your lover feels safe with these ultimatums because they have another person as "back-up" should the two of you decide to split up.

Another sign of cheating is a consistent negative attitude towards the relationship and comments that make you feel as if you have an expiry date inked on your forehead. This might include saying such things as "I would like to travel next year." (with no mention of a "we") or "You know I will always love you, even if this ever ended."

If your lover becomes withdrawn and depressed, it could be that he or she is brooding about what they have done and can't handle the guilt. Sudden explosive displays of affection or anger can also be a bad sign, as the partner might be transferring emotional reactions from the infidelity onto you simply because you see each other more often. In other words, you may be the recipient of a mood that is not due to any of your actions at all.

If your mate becomes incommunicative and refuses to interact with you, this can also be a sign of cheating. He or she might seem cold or inconsiderate of your feelings and be less intimate with you in general. This kind of psychological distancing includes such behaviors such as locking the bathroom door when he or she has always left it open. They may also insist that they pick up their own dry cleaning or keep locked drawers. They may also insist on doing their own laundry. If he or she seems extra finicky about personal boundaries or seems to be trying to set new rules about privacy, this is also a warning sign.

Relationship experts say that if your partner's taste in clothing, movies or music suddenly changes, than they may be trying please their new lover.

Another sign of cheating is if your partner seems to be a bit over the top when cutting up or criticizing a person that both of you know quite well. This is a common tactic used to conceal an affair that leads you believe that nothing would ever be possible between the two of them.

Perhaps the biggest indication that you might be dealing with a cheater is if they stop acting as if they are a part of your life. They may lose complete interest in family, friends or following through on mutual financial goals or plans for the future. Your mate also might be reluctant to go out of town for any reason, as that might cause a crisis in his or her other relationship.

If you do discover that your mate is cheating, you are likely to go through the five stages of grief - shock denial, anger, sadness and acceptance. There is no underestimating the enormous impact of these reactions, even if you had a gut feeling that you knew about the affair all along.

Your relationship will also probably go through three phases. The first is the reaction to the affair, the second is the decision as to what to do about it and the last is a recuperation phase (whether or not you decide to stick it out with your partner in the end.) If your partner is willing to be part of the decision and recuperation phases, it is highly recommended that you seek marriage or relationship counseling to deal with the fall-out from the infidelity.

WHY MEN CHEAT

I thumbed through the Manchester City Yellow pages under "Escort Services". There were twenty-five pages! "Escort" is just the way businesses get around saying "prostitutes". Clearly, the world's oldest profession is alive and well here in the Big Apple. I even feel I can safely say that not all the men who patronize these services are single.

Cheat is a silly word It's culturally centered. It implies that we've violated the rules of the game of fidelity. First off, take a look at the current divorce rate: 1 out of every 2 marriages fails. Why? Marital infidelity is the biggest reason. There are other cultures that openly allow a man to have more than one wife; the Muslims. One of the richest men on the planet today, The Sultan of Brunei has 100 wives! Right in the United States, polygamy is openly practiced in Utah.

We exist as human beings on two levels; with bodies and minds. We attempt to enforce a set of Puritanical moral codes that contradict our physical desires. This is just another of the many ridiculous hypocrisies people try to impose upon themselves and others.

If we would only be honest with ourselves, then we'd acknowledge the fact that we are sexually attracted to more than one individual.

This is not a violation of any love promise made to one woman, it's just instinct, that pre-loaded software package in our brains. On the purely physical plane, we have instinct and hormones constantly influencing our thoughts. This combination comes into play when a man sees an attractive woman walking by. She stimulates his senses. He doesn't know what she's thinking he only sees her physical attributes. They make him feel good.

He has fantasies of what it would be like to kiss her, to feel her body against his; to make love to her. Seconds after, a second thought, guilt, may come barging in. "I'm a married man" or "I've got a girlfriend" or "How could I betray her like that?" It's absurd that a man should feel guilt for something over which he has no control.

Let's not forget movies, television and printed media. James Bond, the ultimate womanizer, immediately comes to mind. What about these soap operas that millions of women sit glued to their televisions watching? The appeal of most of them is in watching the main characters have affairs. Now there's a show on Fox called "Temptation Island"(which should really be called "Sexual Survivor") where young couples are placed on an island. The men and women are separated to opposite sides inhabited by horny singles whose sole mission is to seduce these committed people. The ratings for this show have been phenomenal! And how about that riveting drama in the tabloids as well as mainstream newspapers that unfolded in the White House a few years ago? You remember, Bill Clinton and "I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky" Monica Lewinsky?

With the advent of the Internet, a whole new definition of cheating exists: Computer love affairs, the infidelity of your text. Men can cyber with women and vice versa.

Here is where the distinction must be drawn. Physical performance vs. emotional betrayal. Which do you think is more important?

A man can patronize a hooker, and once he's completed the sexual act she becomes just a vague memory. He doesn't want to grow old with her.

This is a very important point since men and women have fought, marriages have crumbled, and so much emotional agony are left in its wake.

The bottom line, is that men are and will continue to be attracted to other women and yes, women have and will continue to be attracted to other men too. When we can accept the reality, then maybe we'll have become more mature as a society.

TEN THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO A GUY

1. WHEN WILL I SEE YOU AGAIN? You'll see him when you see him. If he wants to see you again, he'll call. If not, next. You don't have time for anyone that doesn't have time for you.

2. WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL? There's only one answer to this question: Because he didn't want to!!! What you're really asking is, "Why didn't you want to call me?" Who knows!! There could be a lot of reasons, but you shouldn't be sitting around wondering why. You should be out dating lots of different guys and not worrying about ONE guy. Don't be so quick to put all your eggs into one basket, because if they break, it's a big mess!

3. WHERE WERE YOU? If he wanted you to know where he was, he'd tell you. What you're really asking is, "Where you with another female that you like better than me?" Your insecurity is showing, my dear. If anything, he should be wondering where you were.

4. I LOVE YOU (FIRST) - You're saying it in the hopes that he'll say it back, but what if he doesn't? You'll be devastated and probably feel foolish. Saying "I love you" is not going to speed things up if he's not ready to say it back. So just cool it, and let him be the first to say it when he's ready.

5. DID YOU SLEEP WITH HER? As long as he's not sleeping with her now, who cares? The past is gone. Don't torture yourself (and him) with these thoughts. In this case, ignorance really is bliss.

6. I'M PREGNANT. In 2005, with all the birth control choices available, there is no excuse for becoming pregnant, unless you want to be. You should be using something and he should use a condom, every time.

7. WHERE IS THIS GOING? Nowhere fast if that's your attitude. Guys want someone fun and easy to be with, not someone that's constantly worrying about the future. His actions or non-actions will tell you where it's going. If it's going somewhere, you'll know it. If it's not, you'll know it too.

8. WE NEED TO TALK. This is the equivalent of, "Go to the principal's office". Guys know it's not going to be a fun conversation, so they're already on the defense. If you need to discuss something, just casually bring it up when the both of you are relaxed. Don't try to talk to him when he's tired, stressed or trying to watch tv!

9. I HATE YOU! Even if you do, it's totally uncalled for and un-lady like. If there's an issue, be mature enough to discuss it when you're calm. If he's breaking up with you, reacting with anger may make you feel better temporarily, but it's best to remain calm and act unfazed. He'll wonder why you're so cool about it and that may make him re-think his decision. Always be pleasant during a break up. Do you want to be known as the girl that goes psycho if someone breaks up with her?? I didn't think so.

10. I DON'T TRUST YOU. What you're actually saying is, "You need to step up your game, because I can see you're up to something." If he is up to something, he'll just become even sneakier. Better to think smart and act dumb-it'll be easier to get the evidence you need to confirm your suspicions.

Lucia is a dating and relationship expert, columnist, lecturer and host of the TV Show "The Art of Love".

With over 20 years experience on the relationship market, Lucia has dated men of all nationalities in six cities, four countries and two continents. Her practical know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense relationship advice ? after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it.