THE PICTURE OF FAILURE (Understanding Bring Cure)

F-rustration, hopelessness, futility
A—ggressiveness (misdirected)
I-nsecurity
L-oneliness (lack of "oneness")
U-ncertainty
R-esentment
E—mptiness

Each of these negatives was originally adopted as a "way" to solve a problem. We adopt them because we mistakenly see them as a "way"out of some difficulty. They have meaning and purpose, although based upon a mistaken premise. They constitute a way of life. The truth can set us free from them. And when we can see the truth, then the same instinctive forces which caused us to adopt them in the first place, will work in

our behalf in eradicating them.

Frustration is an emotional feeling which develops whenever some important goal cannot be realized or whenever some strong desire is thwarted. Since we are all human, we do necessarily suffer frustration because we are imperfect, incomplete and unfinished. One of  trhe strongest urges in humans is to react appropraitely. One can cure this symptoms by seeing that they do not work and that they are inappropriate.

As we grow older we should learn that all desires cannot be satisfied immediately. We also learn that our
doing can never be as good as our intentions. We also learn to accept the fact that perfection is not necessary nor required, and that approximations are good enough for all practical purposes. We learn to tolerate a certain amount of frustration without becoming upset about it.

It is only when a frustrating experience brings excessive emotional feelings of deep dissatisfaction and futility that it becomes a symptom of failure. Chronic frustration usually means that the goals we have set for ourselves are unrealistic, or the image we have of ourselves is inadequate, or both. This way of life works for the infant and for some children. It does not work in adult life. Yet many of us continue to try it, by feeling discontented and expressing our grievances against life, apparently in the hope that life itself will take pity, rush in and solve our problem for us. Thoughts and feelings go together. Feelings are the soil that thoughts and ideas grow in.  If we project ourself of failing in the future, we are bound to fail too. So in anything, imagine how you feel when succeeded, and feel that way now.

Excessive and misdirected Aggressiveness follows frustration as night follows day which has been proved by some scientist .Aggressiveness,and emotional steam, are very necessary in reaching a goal. We must go out after what we want in an aggressive rather than in a defensive or tentative manner. We must grapple with problems aggressively. The mere fact of having an important goal is enough to create emotional steam in our boiler, and bring aggressive tendencies into play. However, trouble ensues when we are blocked or frustrated in achieving our goal. The emotional steam is then dammed up, seeking an outlet. Misdirected, or unused, it becomes a destructive force.

The worker who wants to punch his boss in the nose but doesn't dare, goes home and snaps at his wife and kids.Or he may turn his aggressiveness upon himself in much the same way that a certain scorpion will sting itself and die of its own poison, when angered.

The failure-type personality does not direct his aggressiveness toward the accomplishment of a worthwhile goal. Instead it is used in such self-destructive channels as ulcers, high blood pressure, worry, excessive smoking, compulsive overwork, or it may be turned upon other persons in the form of irritability, rudeness, gossip, nagging, fault-finding. Or, if his goals are unrealistic and impossible, the solution of this type person, when he meets defeats, is to "try harder than ever." When he finds that he is butting his head up against a stone wall, he unconsciously figures that the solution to his problem is to butt his head even harder. The answer to aggression is not to eradicate it, but to understand it, and provide proper and appropriate channels for its expression. 

The next time someone is rude to you in traffic, try this: Instead of becoming aggressive and thus a menace yourself say to yourself: "The poor fellow has nothing against me personally. Maybe his wife burned the toast this morning, he can't pay the rent, or his boss chewed him out. You can also tell the person that he or she has a low self esteem and wish him or her a good day sometime.

When you are blocked in achieving some important goal, you are somewhat like a steam locomotive with a full head of steam with nowhere to go. You need a safetyvalve for your excess of emotional steam. All types of physical exercise are excellent for draining off aggression. Long brisk walks, push-ups, dumbbell exercises, are good. Especially good are those games where you hit or smash something, golf, tennis, bowling, punching the bag. Many frustrated women intuitively recognize the value of heavy muscular exercise in draining off aggressiveness, when they feel an urge to rearrange all the furniture in the house after becoming upset. Another good device is to vent your spleen in writing. Write a letter to the person who has frustrated or angered you. Pull out all the stops. Leave nothing to the imagination. Then burn the letter.

The best channel of all for aggression is to use it up as it was intended to be used, in working toward some goal. Work remains one of the best therapies, and one of the best tranquilizers for a troubled spirit.

The feeling of insecurity is based upon a concept or belief of inner inadequacy. If you feel that you do not measure up to what is required, you feel insecure. A great deal of insecurity is not due to the fact that our inner resources are actually inadequate, but due to the fact that we use a false measuring stick. We compare our actual abilities to an imagined ideal, perfect, or absolute self. Thinking of yourself in terms of absolutes induces insecurity.

The insecure person feels that he should be good, successful, happy, competent, poised—period. These are all worthy goals. But they should be thought of, at least in their absolute sense, as goals to be achieved, as something to reach for, rather than as shoulds. Since man is a goal-striving mechanism, (like a bicycle which cannot be in the balance unles it is in a forward motion) maintains his balance, poise, and sense of security only as he is moving forward.

When you think of yourself as having attained the goal, you become static, and you lose the security and equilibrium you had when you were moving towards something. The man who is convinced that he is good in the absolute sense, not only has no incentive to do better, but he feels insecure because he must defend the sham and pretense. In Matthew 19: 17 When someone called Jesus "good" he admonished him, "Why callest thou me good? There is but one good and that is the Father. Also in Phillippians 3: 12-16  Paul who was considered a perfect man said I count myself not to have achieved . . . but I press on toward the goal.

It is insecure, trying to stand on the top of a pinnacle; Mentally, get down off your high-horse and you will feel

more secure. The mental attitude which engenders insecurity is a way. It is a way of substituting sham and pretense for reality. It is a way of proving to yourself and others your superiority. But it is self-defeating. If you are perfect and superior now—then there is no need to fight, grapple and try. In fact, if you are caught trying real hard, it may be considered evidence that you are not superior—so you"don't try." You lose your fightthus your will to win

TO BE CONTINUED..........